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关于搞笑的中式英语句子
在生活、工作和学*中,大家肯定对各类句子都很熟悉吧,句子的组成部分,包括主语、谓语、宾语、定语、状语、补语六种。句子的类型多样,你所见过的句子是什么样的呢?以下是小编收集整理的搞笑的中式英语句子,希望能够帮助到大家。
01.we two who and who?
咱俩谁跟谁阿
02.how are you ? how old are you?
怎么是你,怎么老是你?
03.you don`t bird me,I don`t bird you
你不鸟我,我也不鸟你
04.you have seed I will give you some color to see see,brothers! together up!
你有种,我要给你点颜色瞧瞧,兄弟们,一起上!
05.hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!
有事起奏,无事退朝
06.you me you me
彼此彼此
07.You Give Me Stop!
你给我站住!
08.know is know noknow is noknow
知之为知之,不知为不知……
09.WATCH SISTER
表妹
10.dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse'son can make hole!
龙生龙,凤生凤,老鼠的.儿子会打洞!
11.American Chinese not enough
美中不足
12.one car come one car go,two car pengpeng,people die
车祸现场描述
13.heart flower angry open
心花怒放
14.go past no mistake past
走过路过,不要错过
15.小明:I am sorry!
老外:I am sorry too!
小明:I am sorry three!
老外:What are you sorry for?
小明:I am sorry five!
16.If you want money,I have no;
if you want life,I have one!
要钱没有,要命一条
17.I call Li old big.toyear 25.
我叫李老大,今年25。
18.you have two down son。
你有两下子
19.as far as you go to die
有多远,死多远!
20.I give you face you don``t wanna face,you lose you face,I turn my face
给你脸你不要脸,你丢脸,我翻脸
21.no three no four
不三不四
22.seven up eight down
七上八下
1.Know is know,no know is no know,it's know.知之为知之,不知为不知,是知也。
搞笑英语句子
在现实生活或工作学*中,许多人对一些广为流传的句子都不陌生吧,句子是由词或词组构成的语言基本运用单位。句子的类型有很多,你都知道吗?下面是小编为大家整理的搞笑英语句子,欢迎阅读,希望大家能够喜欢。
01. 人生的最大遗憾莫过于错误地坚持了不该坚持的,轻易地放弃了不该放弃的……
The most regret ion of live is insist on something that shouldn’t be insisted on,give up something that shouldn’t be given up
02. 大师兄,你知道吗?二师兄的肉现在比师傅的都贵了。
Tang Monk/Tang Priest,don’t you know piggy is more valuable than you? (The Pilgrimage to the West)
03. 怀才就像怀孕,时间长了才能看出来。
Having knowledge likes having pregnant,it takes times to be awareness.
04. 还能冲动,表示你还对生活有激情,总是冲动,表示你还不懂生活。
If you acts on impulse,you have passions in life,if you always acts on impulse,you don’t know what life is.
05. 我问一个在深圳工作了二十年的朋友:“如果你死后,你的墓志铭打算写点啥?”他说:“我解决了住房问题!”
I asked a question to a friend who has been working in Shenzhen for 20 years,what would be the proudest things in your life if you died? He said:I have already pay back the mortgage loan of my department.
06. 妈妈说人最好不要错过两样东西,最后一班回家的车和一个深爱你的人。
Mom said you’d better not miss two things ,the last bus to home and the person who loves you dee*.
07. 一天看到一位大妈在烧纸,边烧边嘟囔着:收到了全都买基金吧。
One day I saw a old woman was burning paper money and mumbled:buy funds if you get it.
08. 好的爱情是你透过一个男人看到世界,坏的爱情是你为了一个人舍弃世界……
A good love is you find the world for a man;a bad love is you abandon the world for a man.
09. 诸葛亮出山前,也没带过兵!凭啥我就要工作经验?
Before Liang Zhuge coming out,he didnt have experience in leading the army! why i should have experience when look for a job?
10. 如果你看到面前的阴影,别怕,那是因为你的背后有阳光……
If you saw the dark in front of you,dont be afriad,that's because sunshine is at your back.
1.Money is not everything.There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
2.One should love animals.They are so tasty.
3.Love the neighbor.But don‘t get caught.
4.Behind every successful man,there is a woman.And behind every unsuccessful man,there are two.
5.Every man should marry.After all,happiness is not the only thing in life.
6.The wise never marry,And when they marry they become otherwise.
7.Success is a relative term.It brings so many relatives.
8.Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
9.Love is photogenic.It needs darkness to develop.
10.Children in backseats cause accidents.Accidents in backseats cause children.
11."Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
12.There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
13."Hard work never kills anybody." But why take the risk? "
14."Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
15.God made relatives;Thank God we can choose our friends.
16.When two‘s company,three‘s the result!
17.A dress is like a barbed fence.It protects the premises without restricting the view.
18.Themore you learn,the more you know,The more you know,the more youforget.The more you forget,the less you know.So why bother to learn.
1、 When did you watch television?
2、 Robert bought a new bookcase last month.
3、 Did you watch the match last night?
4、 He arrived the week before last.
5、 The train was nine minutes late.
6、 Did you wash your hands before the meal?
7、 I arrived here one hour ago.
8、 You missed the last train.
1. Sometimes love is not enough when the road gets tough.
有时候,当生活的路越来越艰难时,只有爱就不够了。
2. The best kind of feelings in life are the ones you can't explain.
搞笑英语格言(精选105句)
格言,是指可以作为人们行为规范的言简意赅的语句,是人们机智的精华,众人汇成的睿智,是指导人生走向成功之路的法宝,时刻激励人生取得进步。下面是小编收集整理的搞笑英语格言,希望大家喜欢
1、The more you learn,the more you know, The more you know, themoreyou forget. The more you forget, the leyou know. So why botherto learn?
学的越多,知道的越多;知道的越多,忘记的越多;忘记的越多,知道的越少,为什么学来着?
2、One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃。
3、God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
上帝决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给你留了余地。
4、love alone could waken love!
只有爱才能唤醒爱!
5、If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together.
如果我可以重排字母表,我会把你和我放在一起。
7、Man: Have we met somewhere before?
我们之前在哪个地方见过吧?
8、Love is photogenic. It needs darkneto develop.
爱情就像照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养。
9、″Hard work never killed anybody."?But why take the risk?
“努力工作不会导致死亡!”不过我不会用自己去证明。
10、Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behindeveryunsuccessful man, there are two.
每个成功男人的背后,都有一个女人;每个不成功男人的背后,都有两个。
1、humor, can saying is give people a subtle sense of dispensing the spice of life. For some light humor, can make the atmosphere of the time to change, make the stalled suddenly solve unsolved. - Masayoshi Ohira
幽默:可以说是能给人以微妙感的调剂生活的佐料。由于某种轻巧的幽默,就可以使当时的气氛为之改观,使陷于僵局的悬案豁然解决。——日·大*正芳
2、the sense of humour is a sense. Li, Ji Bolun
幽默感就是分寸感。——黎·纪泊伦
3、the humor and wit is the flash of wisdom. -- Indira Shakespeare
幽默和风趣是智慧的闪现。——英·莎士比亚
4、the humor comes from wisdom, verbal abuse from incompetence. - pine forest
幽默来自智慧,恶语来自无能。——松林
5、humor is that workers have confidence in their own career and show the advantage of the signs of their own. -- Engels
幽默是表明工人对自己事业具有信心并且表明自己占着优势的标志。——*
6、humor is not willing to institutional absurdity. - Usher
幽默是不肯正经其事的荒谬感。——厄谢尔
7、humor is so gorgeous costumes, is how loyal guard! It is always better than the poet and writer's wisdom; it is itself a talent, it can eliminate ignorance. -- Scott
幽默是多么艳丽的服饰,又是何等忠诚的卫士!它永远胜过诗人和作家的智慧;它本身就是才华,它能杜绝愚昧。——司各特
8、 humor is the wisdom, moral education and the excellent performance of. -- de Engels
幽默是具有智慧、教育和道德上优越的表现。——德·*
9、humor is the nature of man, it might change one of the atmosphere, but can not change the life of pain. -- Guo Chen
幽默是人的本性,它或许可以改变一时的气氛,却改变不了一生的痛苦。——郭辰
10、humor is the life waves buoy. -- spreading
幽默是生活波涛中的救生圈。——拉布
11、humor is all the light of wisdom, shining in the middle of the ancient and modern philosophers spirituality. Where the quality of humor, are smart perspicacious. They will solve all the difficult problems with the humorous wrist, and every kind of things arranged to take it leisurely and unoppressively, be just perfect. -- Qian Renkang
幽默是一切智慧的光芒,照耀在古今哲人的灵性中间。凡有幽默的素养者,都是聪敏颖悟的。他们会用幽默手腕解决一切困难问题,而把每一种事态安排得从容不迫,恰到好处。——钱仁康
12、humor is a beautiful, healthy quality. May you make up your own humor. Lenin -- the former Soviet Union
幽默是一种优美的、健康的品质。愿你让自己幽默起来。——前苏联·列宁
13、humor and serious mutual inspection stone, because is not willing to accept the good jokes, which have doubts, but could not resist to joke must also be wisdom. -- Gaulke Asia
幽默与严肃互为验石,因为不愿接受善意的玩笑,其中必有疑处,而经不住审度的玩笑也一定是智慧。——高尔克亚
14、there are many real word of in joke. -- Swift
有许多真实的话都是在笑话中讲出来的。——斯威夫特
15、The joke to deal with the enemy, is a natural good tactics, but the contact point, must be the opponent's fatal injury, otherwise, the end is nothing but a joke just kidding. -- Lu Xun
用玩笑来应付敌人,自然也是一种好战法,但触着之处,须是对手的致命伤,否则,玩笑终不过是一种单单的玩笑而已。——鲁迅
16、a truly humorous people don't have understanding, readily only laugh, smile for cold, dreary life breath. -- Qian Zhongshu
*式英语搞笑短语
笑话具有篇幅短小,故事情节简单而巧妙,往往出人意料,给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象,具有讽刺性和娱乐性。为帮助大家在轻松愉快的氛围中掌握英语基础知识,以下是小编精心整理的*式英语搞笑短语,欢迎阅读,希望大家能够喜欢。
.都十点钟了。起床了,懒虫!
[误] It's ten o'clock. Get up, lazy worm!
[正] It's ten o'clock. Get up, lazy bones!
注:“懒虫”并非真是一条虫,只不过被用来形容人很懒惰罢了。英语里与之对应的说法是 lazy bones(懒骨头)。注意,这里的 bone 应以复数形式出现,也许是因为不会只有一根骨头懒吧!
.我唯一的资本就是勤奋。
[误] My only capital is diligence。
[正] My only means to success is diligence。
注:原文的“资本”是借喻,实际指“可以依靠并取得成功的手段”。而英语的 capital 指 money used to produce more wealth or for starting a business,并没有中文那样的`引申意思。所以,这里的“资本”不能与 capital 画等号。也有人用 advantage 来翻译“资本”,虽然不尽意,但至少可以让读者理解。
.这家商店开辟了休息处,受到顾客的称赞。
[误] This department store has set up a resting-place, much to the customers' appreciation。
[正] This department store has set up a lounge, much to the customers' appreciation。
注:英语的 resting-place 虽然有“休息处”的意思,但更经常的是用来指“坟墓”,即“最后安息之处”。因此,把公共场所的“休息处”译为 resting-place 不很合适。也有人将它译为 rest-room,但那更不妥当,因为英语中的 rest-room 是“厕所”的委婉说法,而“休息处”不是这个意思。
.大家都怀疑汤姆是个间谍。
[误] Everyone doubts that Tom is a spy。
[正] Everyone suspects that Tom is a spy。
注:doubt 作“怀疑”讲,是“不相信”的意思;而 suspect 作“怀疑”讲,是指“对.。.有所察觉”。第一句译文犯了两个错误:首先,doubt 不能接 that 从句,只有not doubt that 和 doubt if/whether;其次,它所表达的意思是“大家对汤姆是间谍这件事表示怀疑”,即“大家不相信汤姆是间谍”,与原文的意思恰好相反。
. 我们俩关系最好,他经常来我这儿蹲饭吃。
[误] We are best friends. He always comes here to have meals for free。
[正] We are best friends. He always comes here to bum meals off me。
注:第一句只表明“他常到我这儿来白吃白喝”,但朋友这间那种亲密关系没有体现出来。而 bum sth. off sb. 指向非常熟的朋友要一些不起眼的小东西,而朋友也不会介意还不还
1 :我的优点是:我很帅;但是我的缺点是:我帅的不明显。 My advantage is that I am handsome, but my disadvantage is that the handsomeness is not so obvious。
2 :谈钱不伤感情,谈感情最他妈伤钱。 It does not hurt feelings, when it comes to money, but it indeed * cost rf online disena money when it comes to feelings。
3 :我诅咒你一辈子买方便面没有调料包。 I curse your buying instant noodles without getting flavoring cheap RF Online dalant bags。
4 :会计说:“你晚点来领工资吧,我这没零钱。” The accountant said : “Could you please come for your earnings later, because I have no change here?”
5 :虽然你身上喷了古龙水,但我还是能隐约闻到一股味儿。 Although you wear some RF online cp cologne, I can still vaguely smell a scummy whiff out of you。
6 :有一次我上街,一群女孩把我拦住,她们说我帅,我不承认,她们就打我,还说我虚伪。 When I went shopping one day, a group of girls stopped me, saying that I was handsome .But I denied it, and then RF Online dalant they hit me and said I am hypocritical。
7 :冲杯三鹿给党喝。 Pour boiling water into a cup of Sanlu milk powder, and give it to buy RF Online dalant the political party。
8 :史上最神秘的部门:有关部门。 The most mysterious department in the history is the department concerned。
9 :我这辈子只有两件事不会:这也不会,那也不会。 There are two cheap RF online cp things that I could not do in my life –I could not do this and I could not do that。
10:人家有的是背景,而我有的是背影。 The others have their background, while what I have is the sight of my rf online cp back。
11:别把虾米不当海鲜。 Never treat a dried shrimp not as seafood。
12:我是天使,回不去天堂是因为体重的原因。 I am an angel, and the rf online dalant reason why I can not go back to heaven is the problem of my weight。
13:骗子太多,傻子明显不够用了。 Since there are so many rf online disena deceivers, it is very obvious that idiots are not enough。
14:你的手机比话费还便宜。 Your phone is much cheaper than the phone words fee。
15:不怕偷儿带工具,就怕偷儿懂科技! We never be afraid t
五人英语搞笑话剧剧本
话剧是以对话方式为主的戏剧形式,于19世纪末20世纪初来到*。与传统舞台剧、戏曲相区别,话剧主要叙述手段为演员在台上无伴奏的对白或独白,但可以使用少量音乐、歌唱等。下面为大家带来五人英语搞笑话剧剧本,快来看看吧。
演话剧的时候需要剧本,同学们,下面就是适合五个人的话剧剧本,请看:
人物:追星A, 追星B,追星C,明星,车主 旁白 经纪人
旁白:A girl is crazy about a star called Handsome+人名. Even when she is asleep, she can dream that man.
A:(打哈欠),I need to go to bed, I’m so sleepy.(打哈欠)——边走边说 (趴在讲台上睡)
(进入梦乡)
旁白:In her dream……
(上台摆两个凳子,A做一个)
A:Oh, it’s a fine day. (假装看天) (然后突然不经意的拿起一本书翻看)
明星:(上台):Oh, it’s a fine day. (然后坐凳子)
(A看着看着书,就不经意的往旁边看,然后再看看书,突然感觉不对劲,在意外的往旁边看,看到了自己最喜爱的那个明星,十分激动,不敢相信这是真的)
A:Are you … are you that … super star?(激动地说不出话)
明星:(随意的回答) Yes, what’s wrong?
A: I’m your fan,super fan. Your photos are full of my bedroom, no, they are full of my house, including kitchen, living room, bedrooms, and… and toilet.
(激动,后面讲到厕所时,还有点不好意思)
(当明星听到厕所时,很惊讶)
明星:You are too…enthusiastic [in,θju:zi'?stik]. (有点嫌弃)
A: Can you give me your signature?
(讲到签名,明星就兴奋了)
明星:Ok ,of course!
A:(大声喊)Oh ,I will have the Handsome______’s signature
(突然,两个人跑过来,B把A给推开了然后两人问明星要签名)
B:Please ,please give me signature!!!!!!!
C: No, give it to me, to me!!!
(两人抢着,A一人孤零零的.站在旁边,)
A: Why the result is this ?(抱头痛哭,边走边哭,然后走到睡觉的那个地方,恢复原来的样子,还有点啜泣)
A: Er? Where is it? Oh,it’s just a dream , but ,it’s a bad dream.
It’s too early, I want sleep.(又趴下去)
旁白:In her second dream, the scene is at the crossroads.
A: Look at the tall buildings, they like the …like the …I don’t have any adjrectives to describe them.
(明星上场,走在对面,也在欣赏某些东西)
A:Oh ,look at there, that man is like a star ! Oh ,Oh ,Oh ,(一次比一次激动)he is …..he is…..Handsome_______!I want his signature! But there is too much cars, What can I do? What can I do? I don’t care this any more, the signature is more important!
(正当他准备过马路时,车主做开车动作来了,将要撞A,A很害怕)
车主:Look out!
Aon’t come here, don’t come here!(闭着眼睛) (车主迅速下台)
(A突然站起来,睁开眼睛)
A:A dream .too? Oh, my god, Why do I always can’t get the signature? No, I must get it, sleep again! Yes ,sleep! But ,why do I stand here? I should lie in the bed. Whether these, I must go to bed and get the signature!(趴着又睡)
旁白:In her third dream
(明星在签名,A前面有B, C)
经纪人:One by one,Don’t be wrought-up
A: Yeah,I can get it at last. Before me ,there are only two people.
(到B)
B:I love you very much. My dreamlover.
明星:Thank you
(B下,C上)
C: Oh,I meet you ,can I hug with you ?
明星:Sure.
(两人抱了一下)
(到A)
A: I can get your signature in the end! I’m so excited
1、The woman went out and forgot to make-up, the best remedy is to show your smile.
女人出门若忘了化妆,最好的补救方法便是亮出你的微笑。
2、Life is a mirror.When you smile in front of it ,it will also smile and so will it when you cry to it.
生活是一面镜子,你对它笑,它也会对你笑;你对它哭,它也会对你哭。
3、A smile is the language has multiple meanings.
微笑乃是具有多重意义的语言。
4、You smiled and talked to me of nothing and I felt that for this , I had been waiting long.
你微微地笑着,不和我说什么话。而我觉得,为了这个,我已等待很久了。
5、With a smile the speaker, to bear the responsibility.
只用微笑说话的人,才能担当重任。
6、With smile, failure, with strong to create happiness!
用微笑诠释失败,用坚强创造幸福!
7、Life is faced with a true smile, is watching over the obstacles in the future.
生活就是面对真实的微笑,就是越过障碍注视将来。
8、Try to make at least three people smile each day.
试着每天至少让三个人微笑。
9、When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you h*e a thousand reasons to smile.
生活给你100个伤心的原因,你就还它1000个微笑的理由。
10、The smile is faint, the light cloud, knead in sadness.
这笑也是淡淡的,轻云一样,揉在惆怅里。
11、Life, is a colorful picture, the smile is a beautiful color.
生活,是一幅多彩的图画,微笑是画中一抹亮丽的色彩。
12、When life give you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you h*e a thousand reasons to smile.
当生活给你一百个理由哭泣时,你就拿出一千个理由笑给它看。
13、Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.
与其伤心回忆,不如微笑遗忘。
14、I smile, continue to pride.
我用微笑,继续骄傲。
15、Don't go for looks;they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
不要只追求漂亮的外表,它会欺骗你的眼睛;不要只追求财富,那只不过是过眼云烟;追寻那个让你内心微笑的人。
16、Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear.
爱情是以微笑开始,以吻生长,以泪结束。
17、The face of light, shadow just behind us.
面对光明,阴影就在我们身后。
18、There's nothing more beautiful than a smile that struggles through tears.
世上最美的,莫过于从泪水中挣脱出来的那个微笑。
19、Sunshine and flowers in the philosophical smile, the sad and painful sigh in the pessimistic.
阳光和鲜花在达观的微笑里,凄凉与痛苦在悲观的叹息中。
1、就你这个样貌,这个年龄,已经跌破发行价了。
As for your appearance and age, you have already fallen below the issue price.
2、活得长并不见得活得好,活得好就是活得足够长。
To live long is not to live well; to live well is to live long enough.
3、你有跟我装比的权利,我就有整死你的实力。
If you have the right to compare with me, I will have the strength to kill you.
4、你就像根苦瓜,穿得这么清凉,长得这么败火。
You're like a bitter gourd, dressed so cool and so angry.
5、总有人说你变了,但却没人问你经历过什么。
There are always people who say you've changed, but no one asks what you've been through.
6、虽说早睡早起身体好,可是晚睡晚起心情好啊!
Although it is good to go to bed early and get up early, it is good to go to bed late and get up late!
7、跟自己说声,对不起,这些年一直没学会爱自己。
Say to yourself, I'm sorry, I haven't learned to love myself all these years.
8、路上见一车,车后贴着六个字:着急你飞过去。
On the way to see a car, the car behind the six words: anxious you fly over.
9、不要让我看到你我会吐的,好吧,我还是闭上眼。
Don't let me see you. I'll throw up. OK, I'll close my eyes.
10、梦想还是要有的,不然哪天喝多了你跟人聊啥。
Dreams still have to have, otherwise one day you drink too much what to talk to people.
11、你的世界,我进不去。我的未来,你也不必参与。
I can't get into your world. You don't have to be involved in my future.
12、心痛第一次是撕心裂肺,第二次是顺其自然。
The first time heartache is to tear the heart and crack the lung, the second time is to let it go.
13、不要再问我钱花到哪去了,我要知道还会花吗?
Don't ask me where my money is going, I want to know if it will be spent again?
14、交手机费时,才知道,原来我的话那么值钱。
When I paid for my mobile phone, I realized that my words were so valuable.
15、自己选择了做小人,就别怪官人践踏你的尊严。
If you choose to be a villain, don't blame the officials for trampling on your dignity.
16、作为帅哥的最高境界不是泡妞,而是让妞来泡你。
As a handsome man, the highest level is not to pick up girls, but to let girls bubble you.
17、不熟的时侯是小鸟依人,熟悉之后是大鹏展翅!
When not familiar is the bird, familiar with the ROC wings!
18、没有公主命要有女王心,没有谁会一直视你为宝。
No princess has to have a queen's heart, no one will always regard you as a treasure.
19、既然你们都是大白,那我们就要大白于天下了。
Since you are all great white, then we will be in the world.
20、别以为你被世界抛弃了,世界根本就没空搭理你。
Don't think you are abandoned by the world, the world has no time to pay attention to you.
21、一不小心、我看清了你的为人、真不好意思。
A careless, I see your conduct, really sorry.
22、外面的世界太多细菌,我怕一出去就会被传染。
There are too many bacteria in the outside world. I'm afraid I will be infected once I go out.
23、有些人不属于我的世界,那便滚得越远越好。
Some people do not belong to my world, then roll away as far as possible.
24、女人擅长的只是化妝,而男人擅长的卻是伪装。
Women are good at make-up, while men are good at camouflage.
25、能知难而退是我的本事,用得着你在这指手画脚。
It's my ability to pull back from difficulties. I need you to tell me what to do here.
26、以外的我联系不到你,是不是进去就没出来过。
三人英语搞笑话剧剧本
话剧指以对话为主的戏剧形式。下面是小编为你带来的三人英语搞笑话剧剧本 ,欢迎阅读。
3人短剧,简单有趣,每人不超过10句话,并且都是很简单的话,经理只有一句词,但是还比较有水*。由一个笑话改编。
最后结果出人意料,其实是服务生误解了顾客。
C,the customer.
W,the waiter.
M,the manager.
In the restaurant.
W:What can I do for you,sir?
C:Beijing Roast Duck,Tomato and Egg Soup.That's all.
W:A moment.
W:Yours,sir.
C:Thank you.
C:Waiter.
W:Yes?Sir.
C:How can I have the soup?
W:I'm sorry.Sir.I'll change it for you.
W:Here your soup.Sir.
C:Thank you.
C:waiter!
W:Sir.
C:How can I have the soup?
W:Er.I'm terribly sorry.I change it in a second.
C:Sir.I'm sorry for the soup.Now is the soup.
W:OK.
C:Waiter!!
W:Sir?
C:Call your manager,please.
M:I'm sorry,sir,but what's wrong with the soup?
C:How can I have the soup without a SPOON?
人物:T唐僧S:孙悟空 E:猪八戒
J:沙僧
B:白骨精(何*) B1:B变成的`村姑 B2:B变成的太婆B3:B变化成的老头
T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?
S: Bajie,map!
E: (摸出,递给S)
S: Look,boss (凑*T)………(T、S一齐转向E)
T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!
E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)
T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west
E: But……
T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?
E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.
S: Fat Pig!
E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….
S: You will what(凶相)?
E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).
S: Hm!
T:(轻咳)Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?
E: You see , boss is hungry,too!
T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!
一、喜欢你的人会对你说我洗澡去了,之后还会说我洗完了,不喜欢你的人在说完我去洗澡后,仿佛消失在浴室中。
二、热恋时,情侣们常感叹上辈子积了什么德;结婚后,夫妻们常怀疑上辈子造了什么孽。
三、老婆在朋友圈发了条动态:坚持锻炼,每天3万步,棒棒哒。为了谎言不被戳穿,每天晚上让我带着她的手机去跑步,不达标不让回来。
四、我抽烟的理由很简单:我爷爷抽烟,我爸爸也抽烟,轮到我不能断了香火。
五、你们见过最土豪的是什么事?我来说一个,今天看见一人去营业厅充话费,问充多少,他瞟了营业员一眼,说:充满!
六、儿子今天来办公室耍,一女同事逗他说:好帅哟。儿子也对女同事说:姐姐好漂亮。说完他马上跑我面前认错:爸爸,对不起我又撒谎了,全公司同事笑喷了。
七、现在超想把房子卖了去旅游,可房东死活不愿意。
八、我不想再去上学了,老师整天问我这道题怎么做,那道题怎么做的,是我教他还是他教我啊!
九、那天在网上看到一条神回复,楼主抛出一个问题:请说出自己最常丢的三样东西。下面评论中有一人回答:脸,爸妈的脸,老师的脸。
十、朋友都说我是着名的音乐人,因为每次出去唱歌,他们唱的都是别人的曲调,只有我自己是现场谱曲!
十一、道理我都懂,可是听到别人喊美女的时候还是忍不住要回头。
十二、小时候比学*成绩,长大后比工资收入,现在连走个路都要比步数!放过我吧,我只想做一个与世无争的垃圾,可等我真的做了垃圾才发现,居然连垃圾都要分类!
十三、看见别人都那么努力,那么勤奋,那么意气风发地走在成功的路上,你问问自己,难道就不想成为他们的绊脚石吗?
十四、我觉得白雪公主之所以命运坎坷,是因为身边小人太多。
十五、某条街上有个乞丐,每天都在那里乞讨。一日某人忽然发现乞丐身边多了一个碗可又没人。某人好奇,便上前去问:“为什么你放两个碗?”那乞丐笑了笑道:“不知怎么滴最*生意特好,所以开了家分公司。”
十六、你们最好选择在中午秀恩爱,知道为什么吗?因为早晚会有报应。
十七、轻轻拍拍自己的小肚子,告诉它:你不胖,你只是珍珠奶茶甜甜圈小蛋糕关东煮水果捞烤鸡翅的港湾。
十八、一个男子站在海边,对着大海说:啊,母亲。这时一个巨浪打来,把男子打倒,男子躺在海滩上,吐着沙子说:呸,后妈!
十九、当生活心怀歹毒地将一切都搞成了黑色幽默,我顺水推舟把自己变成了一个受过高等教育的流氓。
二十、没钱的时候,在家里吃野菜,有钱的时候,在酒店吃野菜。
二一、别人上车练车,第一句话都是小声嘀咕道“打火,踩离合,挂档,松离合,走起。”而我上车练车,第一句话一般都是大声先喊一句“都闪开!闪开!闪开!”
二二、小时候,虽然穷,但是很快乐,现在不同啦,不仅穷,还不快乐。
二三、女人说到底还是感性的,对各种小动物毫无免疫力,例如布加迪威龙,悍马,捷豹,陆虎,宝马等,当然,还有天猫。
二四、刚才看到一个身影很像你,我疯了似地追上去,才想起这个城市没有你,我停下了脚步。放下了手中的砖头,差点打错人了。
1、不怕虎一样的敌人,就怕猪一样的队友。
2、走自己的路,让别人打车去吧。
3、老鼠扛刀,满街找猫。
4、只要功夫深,拉屎也认真。
5、夏天就是不好,穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝……
6、中国人谁跑的最快?是曹操(非刘翔)。因为说曹操曹操到。
7、思想有多远,你就给我滚多远。
8、只有在火车站大排长龙时,才能真正意识到自己是“龙的传人”。
9、有情人终成家属。
10、春天来了,一群大雁正向北飞,一会儿排成B字型,一会儿排成T字型。
11、在哪里跌倒吗,就在哪里躺下。
12、出问题先从自己身上找原因,别一便秘就怪地球没引力。
13、驴是的念来过倒。
14、吃自助最高境界:扶墙进,扶墙出。
15、虽然我长的不是很帅,但小时候也有人夸我左边鼻孔很偶像派。
16、没有钱,没有权,再不对你好点,你能跟我?
17、拿份报纸上厕所,俺是读书人。
18、女人一定要对自己好一点。一旦累死了,就会有别的女人花你的钱,住你的房,睡你的老公,打你的娃!
19、你的丑和你的脸没有关系……
20、爷爷都是从孙子走过来的……
21、老天,你让夏天和冬天同居了吗?!生出这种鬼天气!
22、鸟大了什么林子都有!
23、不怕虎一样的敌人,就怕猪一样的队友。
24、我拼命奔跑,却甩不开紧紧跟随的伤悲……
25、人类是狗最好的伙伴。
26、找不到我喜欢的伞,我宁愿淋湿。
27、你飞翔的越高,在不能飞的人的.眼中就显得越渺小。
28、第一最好不相见,如此便可不相恋,第二最好不相知,如此便可不相思。
29、不做无聊之事,难度有生之涯。
30、扛一面顶风的大旗,上写两个大字:好人!!
31、有些事情本身我们无法控制,只好控制自己。
32、宁愿骄傲的孤单,也不委屈的喜欢。
33、猫步走向社会!
34、兄弟从前的情感生活,那也是颇为凌乱的。
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